can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
