I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
