His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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