i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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