My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
