to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Two words: nipple clamps
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