One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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