ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
