Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
