I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
