just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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