She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
