Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
