today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
