ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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