I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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