Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
