He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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