can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize