Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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