I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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