You really coming over, don't trick.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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