You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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