belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
