Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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