Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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