4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
