Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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