I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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