shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
