i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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