How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
