Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
