I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
