i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
