Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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