do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
