The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
