Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
