before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
