onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Enjoy the penises
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
