I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
