i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
