just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
