Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
