im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
