also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
honey bunches of taint.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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