Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
