I want to make a zoo with you.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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