I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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