Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
