Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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