Four minutes until I can fart!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
