I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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