YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
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So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
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It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.