So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.