Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.