id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
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There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.