We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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