Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
