I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
