I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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