Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
