i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
