Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
